I think I am in a bit of a rut with the way I feel about people, places and things. Sure, its a broad statement and I'm not up to revealing what I mean just yet. This woman that has come out of me over the last few weeks is new to me. I have been traveling, dating and thinking (probably way to much) with no reason behind it. Why does that seem odd you ask? Because Teaks is a planner, BIG TIME....she ain't doing nothing without a plan, lol. I guess that came with the "back in da day" me, because this woman now is on a rampage. Losing weight and the energy is there without having to think about life and love step-by-step. I'm starting to think that maybe that was the cause of a few of the short comings I've had, especially with love. Who does that....Plan love? Was that really me, did I actually take time out to think about how love should be given or received from a man. I know exactly why I use to believe or think in this way, and if you really know me then you will have a clue of what it meant for me to "plan" love.
Otherwise, what I have been feeling is the real deal and I'm so excited about how I have taken the time to realize that I was so wrong. Rules and guidelines on when to love is HOSH-POSH, lol. Don't laugh, lol...shucks its literally silly but I will give myself credit and say that I'm sure there was no ill intentions while stuck in my ignorance.
Now I'm thinking that my time in this "life-force" can be a lot more full-filling, like the feeling that you get in the bottom of your tummy that hurts good. :) . I'm growing and introducing myself to the NOW me, and I think she was always in there. Just had no way of escaping this detailed web of planned life I made for myself. I'm happy to see this side of me, because it allows me to the best me and I hope I stay around for a while so that I can get to know me better.
whole.
Teaks
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